In 2013, I went on a self-proclaimed self love journey and campaign. I had gotten over a pretty bad situation and wanted to forget about how I got to this low point in my life and start over.  I wanted to get back to the vibrant Afia. The happy and secure Afia. The Afia I was before life introduced me to the uglies of the world.  So I dove head first into rediscovering who I really am and began taking control of my life. . .

 

Or so I thought.

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See the thing about change is that you have to actually do the work to make your heart’s desires become reality. At this time, I wanted to take the easy way out of a difficult maze and only ended up being more depressed than I was before. To me,if I put enough statuses on Facebook on how much I was growing, blogged about my 180 degree lifestyle change, and tweeted “love yourself” enough times to generate a decent amount of likes and retweets, then I could really fool myself into thinking that I was evolving into the person I always longed to be.  It wasn’t long before I realized that talk without action does not bring results.  If I wanted to really change, I would have to literally unlearn the negative patterns that were instilled in my brain since childhood, and actually do the work to find the love living inside of me. 

So what is self-love and knowing your worth anyway? To me, they are the loosely thrown around go to phrases/advice used when someone is “acting inappropriately” or not to the esteem everyone knows they can reach. The problem with these phrases is that we tell people who have been hurt, damaged and wounded for years to “love themselves “ and never really help them discover what that truly means. There is no pocket book guide on how to love yourself. It is an individual, ever-lasting, ever-progressing journey that begins when you take your first breath. Every day that you wake up is a new opportunity to grow into the best version of yourself; and sometimes it may take a tough situation (or many hurtful circumstances for that matter) to push you into really examining your life and actively working on finding your peace.

 

My journey to love has come to fruition because of two main things: God and Therapy. My spirituality has always been the calm in the midst of my chaos and therapy has been an effective way of helping me cope with the hardships of life. With the help of these two entities combined I am finally figuring out the meaning of unconditional love and walking in my purpose.

 

In regards to my mental health, I have taken an active role in making sure that I’m taking care of myself and my space. For a long time I felt that I needed to smile, be the funny girl, and appear strong for the world when I was crying and hurting on the inside. Therapy has helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy manner and made me realize that it’s okay to be sad when you need to be. Part of me loving myself is learning to accept and fully embrace the fact that I have huge heart. I know now that there is nothing wrong with loving deeply no matter what others may think.

 

As for my spirituality, I have found love in myself by seeking out the love of God and building a relationship with Him. Prayer has become a daily habit and God has become my confidant and friend. It took a long while to get here but in October 2015 I made a decision to stop running from God and really accept him into my life and allow him to teach me what unconditional love really and truly is. In John 4:8-9 it reads:

 

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"8 Whoever

does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.”

 

It hit me that I couldn’t walk around disliking myself if was trying to know God because  He is love   And if Jesus could give his life for my sins and so that I could prosper, at the very least, I could learn and try my best to love myself as passionately and ferociously as He loved me.

The patient, kind, understanding, accepting, sensitive person I am emerges in my day to day life and with each challenging situation that comes before me. I always remind myself that when life gets tough hold on to your faith and “Journey Still”. Journey until your feet hurt, your mind gets cloudy and then shake it off and continue growing in your light.  This journey to love has not been an easy task, but I am excited to continue shedding layers of who I used to be and become who I am meant to be. 

To all the magical men and woman reading this, please know that you are beautiful, amazing and worth every ounce of peace and happiness. We are all queens and kings and sometimes we just need a little help to realize we are worthy of the crown. 

 

Peace love and abundance y’all.